you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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