her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
