I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
