don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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