i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
