yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
