I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize