I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
