I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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