Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
