singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
