So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
