i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
