it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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