Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
