I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
