bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
