Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize