Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she smelled like a LAN party
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
