I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize