for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
