I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
