I feel like abortions should bother me more
we made out on top of his cat.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
