Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
