You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
People in love make me want to vomit
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
