Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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