Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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