He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
