I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize