do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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