I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
