Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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