you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
