put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize