so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
