I just saw a hot homeless man
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
