ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
