apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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