perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
