And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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