Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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