I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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