Kiss
Puke
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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