Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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