OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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