He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
