She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
