im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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