did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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