Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
