I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
