i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
