one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
