Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
