you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
