so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
