Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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