Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
