Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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