Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
