are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
