turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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