I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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