(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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