my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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