Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
