when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He did a backflip because drugs
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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